{countdown to thanks} whatever I want

I clearly remember turning 30.

That evening I received the gift of 30 roses and kind words from 30 students.
I cried, I laughed and I looked forward to what lie ahead.
I was the happy and busy Momma to 3 little boys.
Fast forward to last week where I met up with 38.
I am the happy and busy Momma to 3 grown boys and 1 sissy.
Never once in all my 30's did I feel so close to 40 
and for sure did not feel the need 
to bow up and assert my rights and honors.
It happened. For the past 2 weeks I felt like it was time I become a big girl.
You know the "almost 40" girl.
 It was time to move out of toughin it 
and move into arriving at a place I "deserved". 
I went on a venting spree. Have you ever done that?
I wasn't mad at anyone but I said some sentences claiming my new place.
I unloaded both out loud and silently things like...
"I'm almost 40...I can put the empty milk jug wherever I want."
"Its fine to spend my birthday money on one item and not scavenger the clearance. I'm almost 40!"
"I'm over borrowing dresses. I'm almost 40 and its time I buy what I need."
"I can sit down and put in an old movie and kill an hour. Good grief I'm almost 40."
I talked myself into feeling a sense of earned privileged.
 I worked enough overtime to feel entitled to whatever I wanted within reason.
This week we received some heartbreaking news
 of a Pastor friend in Alaska.
A diagnosis where cancer has moved in and invaded this man of God.
This week I couldn't help but think of the legacy
 he has lived and will continue the rest of his days.
I don't know of a more tender hearted, 
available, 
humble, humble, humble, 
Pastor of the hearts of people.
My pity party came to a screeching halt. 
It was a long screech...like trying to stop on an icy road.
I tapped the brakes and slid past all the thoughts and words 
I had spoken about what I deserved. 
Then God gave me a 
pep talk about a word.
Legacy.
He very gently reminded me about Pastor Jim's selfless living example.
His legacy building.
His building faith in others through reminders of a faithful God.
His growing hope in visiting those devastated by death or diagnosis of their own.
The screeching halt happened without injury thank goodness.
Once I stepped outside myself and looked in on my life
I could see that it had nothing to do with entitlement
 and everything to do with enrichment.
The things I wanted came from entitlement issues.
The life Ive been given is enriched daily 
when I invest in the moments 
and walk closely with the One
 who could have pulled the entitlement card, 
but chose the grace card. 
My days are numbered. My hope is steady.
The way I glorify God on and in between each birthday 
is by living a legacy so I have something to leave.
A way for my family in the coming years 
to look back and give thanks.
Thanksgiving allows us to get tangled up in hearing stories of years past.
We are all leaving a legacy that matters.
Papas, Nanas, Grammys, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, Nieces, and Nephews alike.
May we find ourselves sharing our legacy of faith this month.
Grab the old photo albums.
Dig out the film reels and slide shows.
Plug in the VCR and watch home videos.
Read weathered letters.
Ask questions that prompt stories of hardship and healing.
Sharing the goodness of God 
and looking forward to what lies ahead 
moves our hearts from discontent 
to that beautiful land of living with purpose.


UncategorizedJenComment