September is for First Goodbyes {Counting the Happy and Sad Days}

DSC_0266 September is the goodbye season. Your first goodbye this month may have been a little one going to Kindergarten for the first time. Maybe you are adjusting to your college Freshman moving into the dorms and not being at home. Outgrown clothes are being sorted from closets getting ready for a new season and it is all exciting and crazy at the same time.

This week it hit me hardest.

I was giving our youngest son Tillerman a bath. His hair was all soaped up and adorable. In that very cute moment my heart swelled up with great joy and sweet sadness.

In the distant back ground I could hear my oldest Zach preparing to go on his first solo drive since getting his license this week. He came back and said, "Bye Momma, Here it goes! Love you."

Whoa whoa whoa Nellie (thank you Grandpa Les for saying whoa Nellie).

Time. Please. Stop. I felt so sad that we were actually in this place.

But at the same time. I. Am. So. Proud.

I couldn't be more happy that he is stepping out and oh so ready.

Tears were forming as I smiled through at the little one in the tub. I was thinking how this was such a huge deal and a lot to manage all mixed up.

How can it be? Why is time so strange?

"Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in You; Teach me the way in which I should walk; For to You I lift up my soul. - Psalms 143:8

The distance between 16 and 1 literally just blew buy and blew me away all at the same time.

I would normally be out in the driveway running along side the car to the stop sign taking pics and video and making sure Zach and I would never forget that moment leaving the house alone...but instead I was on a bath time date with little one.

I pulled Tillerman from the bubbles and wrapped him in a towel just as the horn on our van honked and my first baby drove away [insert knife to heart]. My firstborn buddy just left. The one who makes me laugh and keeps me company. The one who follows me around the house when I'm upset.

Good thing God gets us ready for big days like today before they actually arrive. He also gives us 5th babies or other distractions to help us from becoming an absolute basket case as these releasing moments happen!

Launching your kids into the next phase of life is an incredible privilege packed full of adventure and new steps. It also is known for tying stomachs in knots with plenty of running to Jesus for anxiety relief.

All the talks about weirdos, drunk drivers/texting drivers, caution, and responsibility are now at his discretion and he will do great...but weirdos.

The crazy thing, is that the launch is more about who my son is becoming than it is about what might happen when he leaves our street. It is more about cheering than fearing!

I am definitely anticipating great things in the life of our oldest and look forward to whats next.

Sometimes our hearts can rejoice and soar over our kids. Even though life is moving entirely too fast, we are living each moment "all in" and encouraged.

The very next breath, that same heart can be aching for days past and bubbles in spiked up hair.

The current stage at hand isn't warming the heart like the way we want it too. All too soon the little bundle in my arms will be waving as he drives away (Jesus Take the Wheel).

I think that some happy, mixed with a little sad speaks of a heart that is overflowing. It means days have been embraced and will continue to be counted and celebrated.

Parenting matters because it grows our own lives and pushes us closer to the one who can lead and love better than we could ever dream.

The first goodbye is really just an exciting releasing ceremony. There is peace in being able to smile through tears. The emotion tied up in pouring out your life into another is sometimes too much to keep inside.

So here we go stepping into September, embracing change and investing so much that our hearts can find joy even in the sadness of goodbyes.