When Our Hearts Hurt On Mother's Day

img_9705 Its that time when Dads, Husbands, and little ones are searching for special gifts for Momma. The priceless cards covered in crayon traced hand prints, the flowers ready to plant, and the coupons for Moms day out, are being prepared.

Pregnancy announcements are floating around as a way to celebrate Mother's Day and for some, the celebration is more heartbreaking that happy right?

I have walked this road too friends and want you to know, you are not alone.

For every woman out there who has experienced the loss of a pregnancy that was waited for, celebrated, and dreamed of.

For the young wife waiting every month for the test to read positive... and then the waiting and excitement turns to grieving all too soon.

To that husband who has watched his bride suffer greatly in private and isn't sure how to help her.

For the already mother hoping to add to her family but it is taking years... and the loss of hoped for pregnancy is more than she can bear.

For that husband who is feeling the weight of the waiting and can't exactly handle the emotional tension that is coming between him and his wife.

To the woman who has experienced countless positive tests but has never, ever  been able to hold any of those newborns in her arms.

For the husbands who have tried to say words that help but can't understand why they hurt.

To those of you who have abortion in your past and have received soul healing from such pain and have suffered loss after loss and wondered if you are being punished.

To you strong and weary mothers who have carried a child, nurtured for months, given a name, and have had to say goodbye... we grieve your loss and remember you and your broken heart.

I can not begin to imagine such heartache.

For that man who has had to stay strong for his wife in such loss and never really had a chance to grieve himself.

There is a community of men and women in this world who live a silent sadness. One that many don't speak about or cry for. Lives that appear to be trusting on the outside, but on the inside they are worn and  tired.

Our friends quietly stand in parent circles where bellies are growing, due dates are spoken of, and even aches and pains are complained about and you think, "If only they knew."

Before I experienced the loss of a pregnancy, I had no idea the amount of physical and emotional trauma that a woman experienced. You can read a little about my story here.

The hormones that were preparing to carry a child are still there and all of the symptoms keep you hoping that miscarriage is not happening.

The amount of minute by minute dreaming that a mom does the second she sees the positive test takes her down a 9 month journey path in a moment.

The struggle is real with our husbands because their body is not going through the chaos, they just have to watch us and wait for things to level out.

I will never, ever forget the afternoon that I couldn't manage to climb out of bed. Covers over my head and our 4 kids  worried about Momma.

My husband came in and wanted me to get up and move around. He thought that  finding a little sunlight would help (which was a good idea but I couldn't do it) I lost it on him.

My heart was sad for him but my mind was a complete mess.

I told him, "Why don't you go talk to one of those Pastors you work with! Don't come home until you hear from them what they went through and how you can help me. This is not an easy fix."

Time helped and healing came slowly but the process was painful.

We remember you and fully trust that the little ones you carried for a short or long time continue to have purpose even if they are not with us on this earth.

The hope of the new Kingdom to come will be the sweetest reunion I know whether you carried that life for days or months.

Until then... keep your eyes up and don't be afraid to feel the loss. The Spirit of God is our comforter and will deliver peace in the midst of your storm. He can handle you.

Praying hope for each of you during this month to remember those who have waded through the high waters.

You, my friends are not alone.